A Struggling Practice

Ok, I have something to admit.  I have been struggling with my practice for the past 4 months.  For the first time in my life……and yes, I really mean that…….I have been opening up the mat and wondering what the F** to do.  Its been kind of dis-heartening.

Our path of Yoga is truly the Hero’s journey and lately, I’ve been wondering if I’m suited for it.  Maybe my life is going to change and Yoga’s really not for me.  I really like that sound of that hot tub.  Yeah, I’ll find peace in there.  But no……..something doesn’t feel right.  I love yoga.  Love my practice.  I have been dedicated to it for 16 years now.  It is such a part of who I am.  There is no turning back.

But most every time I have gone to the mat over the past 6 weeks especially, I have felt fear.  I don’t want to feel that, I don’t want to feel this!  Can’t it just be fun and games again?

Our path of yoga is a path of listening.  Listening to what we need and what the body tells us.  I am certainly grateful for the hot tub….it has done me an incredible service…….But it is going within, seeing what’s here and what energies I can play with that really lights me up.

Yesterday, I woke up.  It was no ordinary practice.  I started with foundation….Utthita Trikonasana, Utthita Parsvakonasana, Ardha Chandrasana…..and ended up doing three different variations of an advanced pose I haven’t tried in over 1 year.  There was joy in my being, a sense of liberation, a sense of ease.

At some point, we all have to trudge through the sludge.  Walk through the swamp weighted down from our thighs.  Trusting ourselves, knowing it is a phase, things will change, looking to our support systems and finding our inner reserves……this is what we are here to do……and all of you that walk this path with me, I bow to you, offer my deepest support and compassion.  This walk ain’t easy, but wow, it is SO worth it.

May you be happy, healthy and harmonized.

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