Courage and Boredom
I struggle with boredom. I have been practicing yoga most every day for 15 years and let me tell you, unless you got one of these seriously inquisitive minds like Iyengar, this shit can get dull and boring! Its been suggested to me on a couple occasions that if “you’re bored, you’re boring.” Yeah, I guess that’s true, but my struggle with the practice is something more than that. My struggle comes because I am fearful of challenging myself.
My body is strong. Like I said, I’ve been practicing most everyday for 15 years. But just because my body is strong, and I have never had a problem with discipline, doesn’t mean that I experience the level of courage needed to fully succeed as the hero on this yogic path. In some ways I do, and in many ways, I don’t. This is not a self deprecating statement in any way. Its an awareness and acceptance of a mind state in myself that I don’t want to accept. And in and of itself, the awareness itself is courage.
I admitted this to my yoga community yesterday and got really good advice and feedback from one of my teachers. She gave me assymetrical backbends and a variation of headstand I rarely do that I have to hold for time (5 plus minutes). Its funny what happened inside me though. Its the same thing that happened over a year ago when my main teacher, Manouso Manos, told me to do timed forward bends 2x/week. I realized, “Yes, that’s what I’ve been wanting to do for some time! That’s what my body has been screaming to me for!” It was like an awakening, and so today, at 6am, I began.
Today’s practice was one of the most fun home practices I’ve had in a while. I could list what I did, and maybe I will, but the truth of what happened is that I listened way deeper to that inner voice that said, “I want you do to this, and its not going to be easy, and you’re not used to doing it, but if you do it, if you give me the attention I am asking for, I will reward you in all the ways you are craving!!” Today I did it. And today I felt fulfilled.
My body needs to be challenged. I derive so much joy from that. And I am scared to challenge my body…..or perhaps I am just a bit lazy at challenging my body. But in doing it, in accepting the parts of me that don’t listen, in then listening, and especially in getting support from my community, I am able to find myself…..to re-invent myself and bring the joy back to practice and to the rest of my life.
Now its your turn! Go and do that thing you’ve been wanting to do but have been putting off for whatever your reason may be! It’ll bring you joy…….or at least some sense of relief.
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